| Little Loli, Mister, and the Reason They Killed |
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| Fri, 04/20/07 @ 12:56 |
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Little Loli, 5.5 ft tall, black wedding dress, kawaii asian girl, she pierces herself for joy, break her skin!
Mister, 6.4 ft tall, naked, lonely boy, he cherishes his friends but why do they like her better?
Little Loli is quite happy with her life, she is good at the stuff she does, she may be different but she is proud. No one can bring her down for she is in a personal high. She enjoys the moon. Penetrate her, she wants to feel good. But dont worry, you wont know shes there until shes done.
Mister plays by himself, with himself. You will notice him by the smell of shit. He hangs onto his few friends like a desperate leech, humor him. He is a Narcoleptic, days pass him by when he falls to sleep, what is todays date?
Little Loli and Mister live together, he sleeps when she is around, she fucks on his back. Funny little joke, but he wont know until he wakes. She plays cruel jokes, spits on him, she doesnt like Mister too much. Mister wakes but Little Loli is out at a party with all thier friends, dont call if you need anything. He eats a little, but not too much. The lights are off in the house. He is tired still but it will take time to get sleepy again. They pour water on him from above to wake him, but it does not help, the cold makes him more tired. Maybe a quick nap.
Little Loli is back again, she does not care about Mister. She takes his friends, they like her better. She will succeed in life where Mister has failed, if only to throw it in his face, he deserves it, the loser. Little Loli applies her makeup, it covers the scars he leaves. She cant stop, if she sits still she might wake Mister. She doesnt like him much, so keep moving. Shes a wild one that Little Loli.
They have a pet, it is in the corner. Mister sleeps too much to notice it much but when he wakes he thinks he takes good care to feed it, but he forgets which is his food and so it vomits. He is sorry, he failed again. Sleep. Little Loli ignores the dog, the dog only begs for attention, but it is useless. It provides her with no comfort, she starves it when she is there, she wants it to die so it will stop barking. Kick it, pathetic.
The pet is sick, it cant take so much abuse. It wants help but cant find the phone. Little Loli and Mister share one thing in common, they both dont want people to know of the pet. Little Loli knows she will be put away if they find the pet, she doesnt want to go away. Mister sleeps too much to deal with it, plus he take care of the pet fine right?
The pet is dying, Little Loli and Mister have a house to themselves, but the pet kept it together. The house is falling apart. The pet wouldnt let strangers in the house but soon Little Loli may get out of control, hold wild parties in the house, destruction, destroy, but it feels so good, she is a wild one. The pet made alot of noise, but soon Mister may fall asleep when the stove is on. |
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| Wake Up |
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| Mon, 04/02/07 @ 16:58 |
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wake up
what does it Mean,
I can Feel the pain,
is this a Nightmare?
wake up
trying to Save me,
I Must be close to death,
am I Conscious yet?
wake up
give me Meds,
I must be Delusional,
is This really here?
Wake Up
what do You mean,
are You sure i am asleep,
maybe You are stuck in a dream. |
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| Smile |
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| Mon, 04/02/07 @ 16:46 |
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So should I sit and smile,
ignorant to the world,
watch as time goes by,
waiting until my final days to end my hidden pain,
but smile all the way?
So should I aspire,
want a spouce and 2.5 children,
a nice house with a picket fence,
live in a suburbian hell,
but smile like a moronic dog?
So should I be sorry,
sorry I see the world in a different light,
tainted with blotches of blood,
or maybe I should get rose-colored glasses,
and smile my worries away?
So should I believe I sinned,
turn my back to people like me,
as they get stoned and hung,
blamed for the world coming to an end,
but smile as if Im not a part of it?
So should I still be a child,
dreams of money and fame,
superficiality filling my mind,
naivity all around,
but smile because I dont know better?
So should I always look into the sun,
ignore the moon,
the pain of my insides and the ashes of skin that fall from grace,
maybe its a living metaphore for me sins,
but smile as my eyes burn out?
So should I believe in your god or his god,
pretend they arent corrupt,
make my own diety to save my own soul,
aspire to find him or her to gain false happiness,
but smile because the ignorance is bliss?
So should I forgive him for what he did,
ignore the abuse like you,
pretend there was never pain inside,
pretend I never blamed myself,
but smile because he is human and he erred.
Or can I get permission to not smile,
to try and see the world for what it is,
as shit sits on the beach to bake in the sun,
girls with lost dreams to the superficiality of our society,
families torn apart to death inside and out,
and maybe try to keep the true demons from whispering in my head. |
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| sex addict |
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| Tue, 10/10/06 @ 17:59 |
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mood:  sick
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So like I noticed that only 3 of my friends update thier ljs anymore...for shame on the rest of you /hippocrate
Also, I wonder if it makes me desperate that I was fully considering driving 4 hours to go have sex with someone (yes, I do know the person and have for quite a while so its not just random). I mean, the sex would have been good but seriously, 4 hours there and 4 hours back seems a little much for sex.
On a side note, the only reason I didnt go was because I think my little sister gave me the flu from her dirty children school place. Bleck. |
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Read 15 - Post |
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| Which me? |
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| Wed, 09/20/06 @ 1:08 |
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Ok, so the question of the day is: On my myspace, do I put the song "Sexy Back", a representation of my sexuality in all its glory (mmmm, shackles), or something that represents my personality, such as some randomy SoaD song, or Shiina Ringo, or The Pillows, some random techno song. Im afraid that if I use the popular song, people might view my personality differently than it is (or maybe that means I need to rethink how I view my personality, idk), but that the other song is a restriction on myself based on not wanting to be judged as a person who likes popular music. Hmmm, tell me >. |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| Manically happy or just revalation? |
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| Thu, 08/31/06 @ 23:48 |
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mood:  cheerful
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hmmm, maybe Ill try being happy from now on. My therapist said its not psychologically possible to get out of a chemical inbalanced depression, which he thinks I have obviously, without medication. But I can try or something. There really is no point in life if Im going to be mopping all day (plus it significantly lowers the people who read my lj when I post).
So then, I decided to stop caring what people think, which in itself is a hard thing for me to do.
I might cut my hair, I really want to, I was thinking maybe a mini-mohawk, except with different colors or something. I dont think Ill change my clothes (though I really wish I had more kikwear pants, stupid not selling wide leg pants anymore). If anything, beyond that, Ill probably just get stranger, you know, let go of all those supressed memories of my mom yelling at me for even contemplating using nail polish or eye liner (though if you actually know me, you would know Ive liked both for quite some time now). It probably will only make it harder to make friends, but at least I will like myself, which according to over 50% of people who talk about esteem is important, or something.
I dont know if Ill go out more. Being happy doesnt readily get me a car (though that would be nice) nor a job that I wouldnt hate beyond compare (I said I would try to improve my self-esteem, but the world gets no esteem from me until they prove worthy! or something). I am also probably not going to stop playing my video games (though maybe a little less, its disturbed and supposively unhealthy when its all you do, according to everyone who talks to me about my several hour daily video game playing habit). Eh, cest la vie. Also, I guess I can openly look for relationships again, though not actively, I really dont want to push for a relationship so early in my life, plus Im probably not going to find what i want here in florida.
Well, I guess thats it...oh and if you people would, tell me how you think I would look with the haircut I posted, and if you have any suggestions of anything else! |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| So tell me... |
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| Sat, 08/26/06 @ 18:56 |
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mood: sick
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is it coincidence or irony that I spent my entire life thinking about getting into a good college only to get to college and completely fail out second semester? |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| Et tu, Mother? |
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| Wed, 08/23/06 @ 17:24 |
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mood:  depressed
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My mother is trying to kill me. Im convinced now. She has a problem with everything I do.
For instance, I listen to music while working, a fairly common thing to do, especially for people who work on computers. I just got additude for doing it, as if my listen to music is such a sign that Im a lazy bum.
She also likes to make me feel bad about myself, constantly telling me Im too skinny or too pale, as if my self esteem wasnt low enough.
Add in 1 cup of not good enough, you know, where what I do is never good enough and I constantly have to do better.
The best thing is the fact that if I even laugh she yells at me for it, asking me things like "Well, if your so happy, why cant you go get a job or go to school!"
The stereotypical spanish guilt tripping doesnt help either. She told me to go to hell because I didnt want to try her pouched eggs after a 5 minute guilt trip into trying to get me to do it.
For these reasons, Im convinced she wants me to kill myself, and if she keeps it up, I just might. I have visions of slitting my kneck or hanging myself, not sure which way I would do it, though both are over dramatic.
...oh yeah, and happy first day of school for those that went back, must be nice to be away from hel, i mean home. |
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| Sat, 07/08/06 @ 0:44 |
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mood:  in pain
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ok, so since I have Irritable bowel syndrome (ibs), crohn's disease, and chronic ulcers, I decided to make them all one disorder called sucky horrible intestinal torment syndrome, aka the Shits. So until medical science figures a way for me to live without my bowels, I will have to deal with worrying about the Shits being active while going to the mall, to a party, or even when Im going to have sex, the last, of course, being the worst time of all. It seems that the only way to keep the Shits from being active is to not eat, which of course causes the dreaded pain of hunger.
Life, your comedy is funny to none but you. |
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